Purpose
08)27(05 its 1112am
The woods of Massachusetts are thick and vine-y, with dense underbrush and spindly, clumpy trees. The thickets of trees created this dense shadowy motion, where the sunlight kind of dances calmly in the breeze.
I'm looking out the windows of the Sandwich public library into a patch of thick Massachusetts forest. The library has come to be and is becoming more of a refuge for me everyday. These books, the silence, and most importantly the extent of resources feel comforting to me now as I put together the pieces of my life from the past four months. Its a good time for me to, though I hate to say it, come up with a plan.
It feels good to have a plan, and it seems essential to me now to have a purpose.
It seems that all my friends have a purpose, whether they know it or not, and I am slightly offended with myself that my purpose is so vague. My friends are getting married, building decks, starting businesses and becoming immersed in fields that will lead to careers. I'm still on the same track: obsessive compulsive about my music, the production thereof, the potential for success thereof. And I feel that I need more purpose.
When we are on the road and the truck is moving there is a purpose, a blind and young and potentially ridiculous purpose. Being on the road and in the truck is also an important, difficult to attain, harder still to write about, harder even still to convey purpose. I would venture into cliche and utter the word freedom, but that doesn't sum it up. Mostly because I don't truly understand what that word means to anyone else, let alone myself. But being on the road... it makes me feel, (in relationship to the word and idea of purpose) as if I am stocking up on firewood for the winter, even though it is the middle of summer. It makes me feel as though I am completing something that is imperative to my mental and physical well being.
Being on the road, with Kate by my side makes me feel as though we are deciphering a sacred text, reading simple instructions for life that truly tell the obvious: how to live, how to live well, what it takes.
The woods of Massachusetts are thick and vine-y, with dense underbrush and spindly, clumpy trees. The thickets of trees created this dense shadowy motion, where the sunlight kind of dances calmly in the breeze.
I'm looking out the windows of the Sandwich public library into a patch of thick Massachusetts forest. The library has come to be and is becoming more of a refuge for me everyday. These books, the silence, and most importantly the extent of resources feel comforting to me now as I put together the pieces of my life from the past four months. Its a good time for me to, though I hate to say it, come up with a plan.
It feels good to have a plan, and it seems essential to me now to have a purpose.
It seems that all my friends have a purpose, whether they know it or not, and I am slightly offended with myself that my purpose is so vague. My friends are getting married, building decks, starting businesses and becoming immersed in fields that will lead to careers. I'm still on the same track: obsessive compulsive about my music, the production thereof, the potential for success thereof. And I feel that I need more purpose.
When we are on the road and the truck is moving there is a purpose, a blind and young and potentially ridiculous purpose. Being on the road and in the truck is also an important, difficult to attain, harder still to write about, harder even still to convey purpose. I would venture into cliche and utter the word freedom, but that doesn't sum it up. Mostly because I don't truly understand what that word means to anyone else, let alone myself. But being on the road... it makes me feel, (in relationship to the word and idea of purpose) as if I am stocking up on firewood for the winter, even though it is the middle of summer. It makes me feel as though I am completing something that is imperative to my mental and physical well being.
Being on the road, with Kate by my side makes me feel as though we are deciphering a sacred text, reading simple instructions for life that truly tell the obvious: how to live, how to live well, what it takes.
posted by lukejanela at 8:48 AM
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