The End Is Here

I'm sitting in a corner in the cabin with a bare bulb lightling the now empty room. This is the last night in the cabin, our Eden for the year, my perfect little home for the perfect amount of time. Its of course bittersweet. I am thankful for how satisfying this place has been for us. I hope that the next place I live is as cool and cooler than this. I am thankful for Kate, so many amazing days and nights just living the right way.

I've spent all day clearing the corners and packing the camping gear. Last minute details. Its been hard, truly, listening to loud music all day to help me get through. Catching the sunset in Mendocino the wind on the headlands was so strong that I couldn't stand up against it. To see a year go by, and pass, like a single day. I have this feeling that I am onto better and bigger things, and so I'm not worried about it in the end... this trip is the kind of spark you need to ignite things in your life I think.

And so I won't miss it... and I mean that I won't miss it in the sense that, of course I will think fondly on the people and the setting, and will urge myself to always live in a way that is similar to what we started out here... but you can't spend your life missing things. Its better sometimes to pick up, let the bridges fall behind you and accept that it is not your responsibility to nurture the sanctity of your cherished places and times...

'the falling of the past, the raising of your mast. Its all right'.

Moving and Moving and Moving

Moving as you may know, is not fun

But nonetheless, I take part in it everyday for the last week or so, sweeping, moving, being sad, being glad et cetera. At this point its just super surreal and I wouldn't mind getting it over with.

Its making me tired.

Plus Kate is leaving tomorrow and its all too huge to even really think about. So at this point I just pretend like I'm busy and push forward. Like most people.

Montgomery Woods

I met up with my brother Nate today in Montgomery Woods, which is approximately halfway between where I'm living and Ukiah, where I was living. Its too bad I haven't visited it much since living here, it is still astounding, and for me a great source of peace and quiet.

When I was in High School and College I would go up to Montgomery Woods every week or so, sometimes with friends in the middle of the night at the full moon, sometimes by myself when I needed to think. It was like church to me, or the only true church I've had since that age. It is an amazing place, that no matter what was troubling me I could walk out of there feeling enlightened and ready to take it all on.

I talked with Nate alot about college and the future and whatnot, jobs... the stuff you think of all the time but never quite have answers for. Nate is doing really well and I think he is on the right path: working really hard and creating opportunities for himself by pursuing adamantly his goals. Me, well, I hope the same can be said for me. Anyone who knows me well knows that music, and hopefully MY music is the key and the goal to future prospects. And anyone even those who don't know me know that it is tough to make a living as a musician. I know this. I am aware, nonetheless, I keep pulling for it, and I keep trying to make a more amazing album than the last, and to push it as much as I can. Could something happen there...? Yes, and it will on some level.

Anyways, the trees in the main grove of Montgomery Woods look like this:



and there were so many wildflowers out, one orchid looking one looked like this:



it was nice. I feel peaceful now. Thanks Nate.

The Haze Settles In, Then Lifts Again

Up at our house it is bright and light again, for the first time in months not soggy and dank... Its nice. In the evening a couple of nights ago it looked like this:



and the view towards the ocean through the trees was like this:



So, yes, it is hard too be letting go of this place when it is getting to be SO beautiful again, but at the same time its amazingly exciting.

I fixed up the back of my truck with a bed and storage cupboards for our roadtrip. next is to rig a tarp tent set up that will reach from the back of the truck outward, so that we have some privacy to change clothes and whatnot, and a place to hang out in the rain. Its pretty neat. I'm loving my truck right now.

Online, well, not a whole lot of action out there. Pitchfork is a decent place to look at some music info for indie type bands if you are into it. I've been listening to and enjoying Enon lately, just ingenuitive and somehow not trite and boring like too many 'alternative' bands these days. Still too, AFI is well, what it is is that everytime their music comes on I want to listen to it... unlike most other music, I just flip through so easily.

March How I Missed You

Back from another show in the city, this one at a small little place with excellent ambience called Epic Arts. A few of my friends that I haven't seen in years and was really happy to see showed up and that was good. The sound was great, the other performers were on it, and all in all it was a good gig. I feel like I'm reaching a peak with my performance, especially with the whole cello/singing thing. Its coming together, finally able to get the sounds out of my cello that I want, and to be able to sing marginally in tune is nice too.

The day though yesterday was LONG, and in the longest kind of way. Scissors my kitty decided to wake me up and keep me awake at 430am, and of course knowing that I had a show that night I kind of did this non reverse psychology to get myself to sleep which didn't work. I kind of had one of those nights that is similar to a fever dream, where you incessantly think about your life and where it is all going et cetera et cetera. And all these thoughts just seemed so much... leaving on the road trip, leaving everything again, needing change... not knowing what comes next. Not wanting to serve tables, yada yada the same old thing that everyone knows about.

Today we cruised around Berkeley a little bit and had a nice time of it, being in college land and then up through Napa, which I imagined to be a lot better that it actually is... kind of disappointed, I had no idea how bloated Napa has become, whatever charm it is supposed to have I feel has been swallowed by an odd mall culture. O well.

Geyserville and a few of the other stops along that amazing road 29North and 128West are still charming and the scenery is just fantastic this time of year, with all the trees starting to come alive again.

It was such a long drive, but again, nice to come back to Mendocino and call it home... for now. I think we still want to live here if we can find a decent place to live that is more connected to community. To be able to walk to the grocery store, and the post office and the ocean would be fantastic. But we'll see, we'll see what else is out there in America for us.

So that's not all that interesting, and I don't have any cool links to sites or anything right now, except the lastsoundofsummer which made note of my instrumental album being up and sent a bunch of people to the site, which made me kind of gleeful. In one day 400 songs were downloaded from my site, which is a lot, to me at least.