a cause for epiphany

Or something along those lines. I don't know what it is that would cause an epiphany but I believe there is a cause for one out there.

I've been down the past couple of days, just the blues, the mid February, the change, the uncertainty, the dwindling funds, the feeling of stuck...

I'm having such a hard time booking shows which is what I think saps my confidence the most right now... I want obviously to do my music for a living, and if I can't even get some live shows lined up, how am I to effectively promote? I wish that my CD would land in the right hands or whatever, or that I had that insight into what I need to be doing better, more effectively. I know that I am working hard, but perhaps not efficient enough.

SO, big news for us is that the road trip is absolutely on. We will not be moving into the house that I mentioned earlier, last post, because of a lot of reasons, mainly that it was too temporary, and too much money to pay for a temporary house for a month that we won't even be there. And we've given notice to our current landlord. And I've told my job I'll be gone for a month at least.

So if I can get some gigs for at least the West Coast part of the trip, I think i will feel very good about the whole thing.

Its not a question of IF, I will dammit.

O, and I should be raving about this, that my instrumental album "You Are The Driver" is mixed masterd and done.

Tomorrow I will be posting the whole thing on my site for a week or so of free downloads. And then when I'm done with the trip and whatnot, I'll get it on iTunes and print a few CDs. I'm listening to it right now and I'm really happy with it, I've never heard an album like it... in the sense that it is blending these worlds of classical and electronic pretty well... taking acoustic sounds and manipulating them into a new thing... its neat. Its like Godspeed You Black Emperor on E and Red Bull, but not as lame.

Or something.

we really have got to change

And sometimes you just go for it. I'm thinking we're moving out of our cabin here soon... Staying in Mendocino, but looking for another place to live, more light, closer to the ocean.

We've actually found this really nice place for the Summer, and I think that after much debate we are looking to move there... It has a view of the ocean from high above Mendocino, is about 3 minutes from town, has a huge yard, lots of light, two decks...

Pretty nice actually.

It makes me sad in some way and is actually even hard to admit in this format on the blog, because everything up to now has been about how perfect life is in that little cabin.

But your desires and needs change, and the reality of a situation changes in a New York minute.

Can one pay for happiness? I think honestly, in a sense yes. Especially in this country. And if you can, you should.

Nothing is more important than health and happiness (?)

What do you think?

heading out of the city

after wading through the crazies and battling for parking spots, things we dont do in mendocino, we are off to go home.

The show was beatiful, a warm night, my brother and his friends and my friends some driving all the way from ukiah.

And tonight we'll be in the woods. Giving scissors some company, who we left all locked up with a lot of food for company.

We got to see the aquarium, thanks to T, and all the little ants in the ant display. Maybe pics later, I sure feel like a tourist, espcecially sitting here again in Caffe Trieste.

Onto the road again, into another phase...

dude its so cosmic

No we haven't found Walnut yet. We've hiked in a mile radius around the property, whistelled with different whistles, peered up trees with binoculars, put up flyers, put an ad on the radio and no go.

Its a loss because it means Walnut is hurt or was hurt or is at very least afraid and lost. Its a loss because I miss her every day and night. Its a loss because she was really representative of our new idyllic life... happy, sweet. I've never had something so precious and to have her just disappear... it makes me scared.

On the homefront we are both trying not to be ridiculously obsessed with it. I just finishd the mixes for You Are The Driver. Which I am considering calling something else. "Eskimo" maybe. or something like that. I think that I will release it under a moniker, "Drama Club" is to be the name of my electronic 'band'. Or whatever. Who cares.

I do. I'm thinking so much on my music career. I hope I have the guts to do everything possible to get my stuff out there. Its hard to do... and its a lot if not everything about confidence, and the vision you have of yourself. Sometimes I get this hint of a vision of myself as this brilliant electronic/rock/songwriter/classical/composer/artist/photographer/carpenter person who is a visionary and held to his path and never waivered. Sometimes I feel like another dumb 20 something trying to not waste his time. I mean, is everyone like this to some extent? Is this stuff I'm creating, putting more hours of my life into than ANYTHING else, is it good enough? Et cetera. Thoughts like this on and on in the winter. on and on.

So I'm going to watch Harry Potter movie tonight. and drink Makers. next... next is next.